The Rich Boyfriend Phenomenon
Over the last few years, we have witnessed firsthand the rise of sugarbaby feminism. With influencers like Shera Steven advising women on how to position themselves to find rich men—where to go, how to dress, how to eat, and how to speak to increase desirabilty, We have seen these women and men make a buck off selling eBooks on these absurd topics to gullible and foolish women on the internet. We have watched self-licensed TikTok therapists and advisors throw around meaningless words like "divine femininity" and "Feminine energy" around social media while making money off their followers, who have proved to lack critical thinking.
What the success of influencers like these has managed to do is promote the idea that somehow, a woman who is already feminine just by virtue of being a woman has to become a certain way or do certain things to be considered feminine and worthy of attention by rich and successful men. What they have managed to convince young women of is that somehow, when you attain that state of femininity, there will be men begging to pay your bills and make sure you never have to work a day in your life because you are a pretty girl.
An idea that is absolutely hilarious because women, at every point in history have worked. Even when women did not have access to bank accounts and could not own their own money, they worked. Till today, women work, be it proffesional or domestic labor, whether recognized or unrecognized by the woman herself, it is still work.
However, the idea of women not having to work did not start today. The influencers teaching these doctrines did not spin them out of thin air; they too were influenced by many things, one of which is the media they were raised on. I would like to call out a particular culprit: The Nollywood movie industry.
-The beautiful, kind village girl finds favor in the eyes of a rich man at a village festival and leaves her life of penury for one of affluence.
It is a trope that has been rinsed over by nollywood screenwriters, one that each and every one of us is familiar with. We watched it growing up, and inevitably, some of us internalized it. What this trope essentially communicated was the false idea that beauty is the most valuable social currency a woman can have. The idea that being a certain way—nice, humble, chaste—will have men begging to marry you and take care of all your bills so you never have to work. The same template for the garbage we are being forced to consume now by feminine energy influencers.
For as long as women have existed, there has always been a beauty standard, and these self-proclaimed therapists who claim to have mastered the hearts of rich men create content which only serves to push women toward conforming to whatever beauty standard they believe is desirable by rich men. Spreading the false idea that having a rich boyfriend will eventually solve all your problems, that finding a rich man to spend on you is what every woman needs, and that once the said rich man is found, there will be no need to work again.
What they did not tell you is that the world, this country, does not have enough rich men to go around. Another thing they did not tell you is that rich people socialize with people in their income bracket, that fantasy of him falling in love with you from a lowly background is essentially never going to come true and that your chances of working and becoming a rich woman yourself are greater than your chances of finding a rich man to fund your lifestyle. One last thing they did not tell you, although I hoped you would decode this one yourself, is the fact that a rich man’s money is just that—his money. Not your money. His net worth is his net worth, not your net worth. His account balance is his own, not your own. He only gives you out of the benevolence of his heart, and going by how fickle people can be, you absolutely cannot be depending on someone for financial sustenance.
Given how long and hard feminism has fought for us women to have all that we have today, the idea of being a sugar baby feminist is all but progressive. The idea of being a housewife to a rich man is counterproductive. The illusion that you won’t have to work if you marry a rich man is just that—an illusion, a fantasy, something that does not exist. I’m going to need all of you to understand that the concept of choice feminism is retrogressive. We cannot fight tooth and nail to release you from your shackles only for you to go back and choose those shackles again. I’m sorry, but that is not what this is about. Being a housewife is not acceptable simply because you chose it. What you are doing is reinforcing the idea that women still want to be housewives.
And while we’re at the topic of housewives, I just want to take a minute to tell you that unless you’re going to become a paid housewife, you are not free. What you are offering is simply UNPAID LABOR. What you will be is a benefactor of wealth that is not your own and a bearer of the inheritors of said wealth, slaving away with cooking and childcare and going unpaid for it.
I don’t care what you’re about—I’m demanding that you have something for yourself.
With how political being a woman is, I cringe to hear women say stupid things like, “I turn my brain off when I’m with my boyfriend” or “I’m looking for a rich man to come and spend on me.” The younger generation is literally looking up to you. Whatever you become today is going to be the lesson for tomorrow. We are regressing and undoing all the work of feminism by slipping back into simply being housewives and baby bearers.
We are already raising teenagers who consume these feminine energy contents simply because they believe there is some way to cheat the system, to avoid work. We are already witnessing young girls tailoring themselves to fit the ever-changing, eternally absurd beauty standard in Nigeria—not for themselves, but to attract men. Rich men. Men that will take care of them. The rich boyfriend thing seems to have become an accessory in the female wardrobe, one that admits you into the higher chambers where the timber and calibers of “nwunye oga” rolls.
This fantasy that a man will come and take care of you is false. Everybody works; there is no escaping. The obsession with having a man has young women giving up their lives at an early age, condoning all forms of abuse just to maintain the status quo of being a “nwunye odogwu.” We even have women going as far as providing for themselves and telling the world that it was their boyfriend just to have the title. I’m literally on my knees, and I’m begging you to get up!
What you are simply doing is furthering the misogynistic idea that women can be owned simply by having money.
You cannot escape capitalism, my dear girls. Unless you’re a nepo baby—which you are not—the forces fighting against you are by far too much for you to be that delusional. You want a rich boyfriend? Well, so does the next woman and the next woman and the next woman, and honestly, there aren’t enough rich men to go around. Your chances of becoming a rich woman are greater than your chances of finding a rich boyfriend. And even if you did, honey, I’ll hold your hands while I say this—you cannot rich-boyfriend your way out of poverty! You’re better off doing the work yourself. A rich man’s money is not your money; your boyfriend’s money does not sleep in your account. He’s giving you money out of the benevolence of his heart, and if you think that benevolence will not max out, I have land to sell to you in Maitama.
There gets to a point in everyone’s life where financial dependence on another person begins to become a thing of shame, and I am afraid some of you never get to that point.
Who even told you that a rich man will leave the women in his income bracket to come and look for you? And even if he did, what makes you think he has the best intentions for you? Can you not spot exploitation when you see it? Don’t you know that the chances of it being true love are close to zero, which is to say, almost impossible?
I promise you do not want to be a person enjoying and flaunting wealth that does not belong to you with little to nothing in your bank account. I repeat, there is no shortcut to money and not enough rich men to go around.
You’re better off starting your business or building your career—something that will serve you in the rainy days, something independent of another person. Because after all, humans die, computers crash, relationships end. I know it sucks, but get a job! Men are as unreliable as unreliable can get. A man is not a poverty alleviation scheme. If you like, don’t hear it; a word is enough for the wise. If you think for some reason that you’re special, I hate to break it to you but you will learnnn.
Everything you said boo!!!!
I’m always telling the women in my life to get their own bag and even if you have a man that is giving you money, use that money to invest in yourself, a business, anything that can bring in cash. This is what I tell every woman in my life. I wish every woman especially Nigerian women would see this.
I love this but please let's clarify something. I think the women who are looking for rich men are more in love with the idea of aristocracy than housewives. Do not discount the work housewives do. Men already do that but as women, we should appreciate the work housewives do. It is unpaid labour and is discredited a lot. But our mothers and grandmothers worked as housewives and did a damn good job. Making a choice to be a housewife is not a crime, it is just a discredited work. I personally think it's a stupid idea for women to work like men and still be expected to take care of the home like a housewife. It is unfair but it is the world we find ourselves in. If you want to work, you can work. But feminists never discredited the work of housewives. They just wanted the work to be regarded as work and rewarded as such.