I’m always telling the women in my life to get their own bag and even if you have a man that is giving you money, use that money to invest in yourself, a business, anything that can bring in cash. This is what I tell every woman in my life. I wish every woman especially Nigerian women would see this.
Girl! 😭 Dyg!! I need women to wake up, the future is financial stability, money is so important and babying yourself and being dependent on a man will not save you from capitalism.
I love this but please let's clarify something. I think the women who are looking for rich men are more in love with the idea of aristocracy than housewives. Do not discount the work housewives do. Men already do that but as women, we should appreciate the work housewives do. It is unpaid labour and is discredited a lot. But our mothers and grandmothers worked as housewives and did a damn good job. Making a choice to be a housewife is not a crime, it is just a discredited work. I personally think it's a stupid idea for women to work like men and still be expected to take care of the home like a housewife. It is unfair but it is the world we find ourselves in. If you want to work, you can work. But feminists never discredited the work of housewives. They just wanted the work to be regarded as work and rewarded as such.
I think that's precisely what I was talking about. I do not discredit the work of being a housewife, I only ask that women demand to be paid because it is indeed work, even though we have been socialized to view it as an all expense paid vacation, a sort of achievement, this state of blessed betterness where you only have to "take care of a home" and have children for a man to go out and do the work that brings in money.
It will be uncomfortable to ask for money for labor in a family setting, afterall our mother's have been doing it for ages, for free. But it is important we do, to move us out of the world that still looks eerily that the one Virginia Woolf described in her essay, A room of one's own, where women never had money. This world needs more rich women.
Okay. Now let me ask. Please note all these things you’ve said I agree with you, I just wanna have a robust conversation. If raising the child and taking care of the home is still work, won’t you say these women on the internet like Shera seven that clamor for women to marry rich men and lean into their feminine energy is their way of saying, however manipulative, that housewives deserve to earn more? Because let’s be honest I am not sure the society is going to reward women for being housewives without being manipulated anytime soon. I have had this conversation with some set of people before and they boldly said being a housewife does not contribute to the economy, why should they be paid??(Mind you, these children will grow to become members of society and if trained well by their mothers, contribute to the economy of the society) It was like the most absurd idea they have ever heard.
The problem with the shera seven doctrine is that it is misogynistic. Sure she talks about getting your bag but the cost of getting the bag is that you give up your selfhood to an endless pursuit of being good, or hot, or classy to keep the rich man that married you.
The man becomes the cash cow, your entire economy, he is the one thing to hold onto for survival but you cannot hold on to a human being because human beings, men especially in this world that favors them, will change. But maybe by then you'd have gotten enough from him to set you up abi?
How many women are living this reality?
How many men can afford the lifestyle? How many rich men do we have? In this same country that women are dying because thier husbands couldnt afford CS?
Compare the Achalugo to odogwu ratio and see?
Shera sevens doctrine is "Marry the cash cow"
I say "BECOME THE CASH COW!"
Leaning into that feminine energy, you become tied to the cash cow, performing and performing even without knowing it, your life becomes for him. Money, your own money truly is the only thing that will let you live freely on this earth.
That’s not what she preaches. You see short clips but not the 3 hour+ lives that she elaborates her ideas on. She talks about not giving up your self-hood, and not emotionally investing in a man, internally validating yourself. She preaches being hot and “classy” not as life goals but as tools because men stereotype women by social identifiers etc.
Her message is not about “keeping” a man but about utilising the benefit a man can have to you. She doesn’t advocate for marriage or against it, but if you do marry, do it in your best interest and only emotionally investing after your partner has proven themselves to you.
When she talks about whether you should stay or leave a relationship that’s toxic or infidelity happens, it’s not about “being in love” or “staying for the bag” it’s about cost-benefit analysis of whether you leave can immediately, whether you can siphon more money or assets after the misgivings or whether you can siphon more money/assets in order to leave that situation better off than you were.
Shera does advocate for having a job or a business. She just does not find having a man in your life worth the hassle if you are not monetarily benefiting or if you are expected to perform feminine roles while also fulfilling your corporate or manual roles.
Her philosophy is not feminist, but it’s not anti feminist or pro-patriarchy.
«It will be uncomfortable to ask for money for labor in a family setting, afterall our mother's have been doing it for ages, for free.»
Is a joint bank account in matrimony uncommon in the US? (In Germany) My boomer parents had a joint account anyway. They were both working and making quite a bit even if my father made maybe twice as much (also working far longer hours). Mortgage and real estate is in both their names. And neither would make big financial decisions unilaterally. Isn't that sort of the norm?
Again, babe, I agree with you 1000%. But I need you to look at it from every perspective. I have learned not to shame women for their decisions. First of all, being a housewife in itself is misogynistic. Shera is preaching that if you are going to adhere to the misogynistic rules they’ve laid out for you, then make sure you are doing it smartly. Let it be the rich man! I understand that it is not realistic. At the same time, I want you to understand that while you are preaching this cash cow narrative to women, there are women, and even society at large, preaching to women that they have to do the housewife work. Learn to cook, learn to clean, take care of your kids! That’s a full-time job even more demanding, in my opinion.
So you have women being cash cows and also housewives?? How is that in any way fair? I am a cash cow. My mother has taught me not to be dependent on anyone! However, I am also of the opinion that I am not going to be doing housewife work. I am going to be a partner, but that housewife work? Leave me out of it.
So with this “cash cow” narrative, are you also preaching that women leave the housework and focus on being cash cows? Because if we are being honest, not many men are willing to stay back to take care of the home. And the home needs taking care of!!
But if we are being honest, some women can’t stand leaving the housework because of society and how they have been trained. So they retire to take care of the home, but in doing that, leave the economic situation to their spouses. This brings me back to my original point: Shera is preaching that if this is your decision, then make sure it is for a rich man, so you don’t suffer twice. What do you think?
I think I get your point now, I was looking at the big picture, the global impact of women deciding to be housewives and how it keeps us in the same retrogressive cycles.
Sure, there is some truth in Shera Steven's doctrine no matter how warped it is, but I think that leads me back to my first point: Shere has millions of viewers, people who internalize her doctrine, most of which are women, and after taking the message, they get to the real world and see that it is never as it seems online, if there are 3000 achalugo's and only 100 odogwu's, what do you think happens in that dating pool? It becomes a dangerous game that a woman never wins because even if you did manage to get one man, he will forever remind you of how many women want him were he to say yes, and he would not be wrong.
What we should focus on as a society is decentering misogynistic gender roles like a woman cooks and a man provides, because at the heart of this issue is that many of us were raised with this doctrine.
As for the house work, the two people who work can pitch in, it's not even about outsourcing, the work— cleaning, cooking, washing— should be shared equally amongst them both. Only then will a proper conversation be had about the importance of housechores
Exactlyyyy. This is where the conversation should start: decentering gender roles. Only then will a woman truly believe that she doesn’t need a man to provide for her and that she can do it for herself. I agree with you on that Shera conversation. It’s one of the problems I have with the internet. People come out with their opinions, and somehow, we accept them as the law.
Housework is not unpaid. If it needs doing, then it getting done is the payoff.
«Do not discount the work housewives do. Men already do that but as women, we should appreciate the work housewives do.»
Why give a damn, whether housework is "credited" or "appreciated" by people outside of the household? They are not involved, they do not have a stake in it and their opinions do not matter one bit.
Thank you. The way I get so pissed off when I hear girlies saying ‘I just want to be Oga wife and enjoy life’ why can’t you be you and enjoy life?!! Omo, I don’t care if I have to juggle so much jobs, but, one day, I know I’ll be fully independent, I mean, don’t you want your own money??? Girl, please!!!!
What most girls don't get is that even Achalugo(from the movie) had her own money even if it was not as much as Odogwu's own. Imagine she was not working and waiting for the Odogwu to come, do people think the Odogwu would even have approached her? Girls really just need to wake up!!
Omooo 😂😂Ifunaya you didn't come to playyyyy and I love it. See the insults and shades left, right, and center. But omo you are 100% correct. Because what do you mean you choose to be a housewife. Do you really know what that "choice" means for you? Once again, Beautifully said!
Loveeee it! I am team 'Have your own money' & if by any chance your husband wants you to stop working, he must present 100 slides presentation of 'valid reasons why i want my wife to stop working' followed by passive +active income ideas that he is willing to set up in your name immediately you stop 'working'. Because at the end of everything, you are still going to be working so it's better you choose your battles (paid or unpaid).
secondly, i could feel all the emotions reading this lol. Looks like an advice Mama G or Old Genevieve would give
Thank you, this was so reaffirming to read. I feel that there has been a very deliberate stream of harmful anti-feminist messages targeted at young girls, 'tradwife' core being one of them. "I’m going to need all of you to understand that the concept of choice feminism is retrogressive. We cannot fight tooth and nail to release you from your shackles only for you to go back and choose those shackles again." Also this line was so refreshing!!!
I understand this, word for word, and I agree. Financial independence has been my forever dream that I’m attaining gradually.
But I’d admit.
Sometimes I harbour fantasies of spending a man’s money that isn’t my father’s or male members of my family.
Sometimes, I’m also in awe of the ladies who do this. Cause what do you mean a man sent you huge chunks of money for no reason? There’s a girlfriend allowance? A travel allowance?
Girl I have an innate desire to make sure that no man will look me in the face and tell me, “I made you!” or, “if not for me”.
But when work gets rough, when tempers are high and when I start feeling overwhelmed, I wonder and think about how easy it appears to be, to spend another man’s money mercilessly.
Girlll!! It's precisely the "I made you" comment that gets me out of bed in the morning. Sure I have passion for my work, but I also daydream of being paid just for existing. I suppose this will lead into conversations like beauty and its social currency, but then again, it is never as it seems.
Will it be nice to be a sugar baby? Well yes.
But can I endure not having something of my own, built with my blood and sweat and tears? No, Never.
I want to spend free money but I also want to look at my paycheck come in and feel a sense of satisfaction from knowing that I earned the money I am spending. That's responsibility, that's adulthood.
I’m happy that there are ladies out there who feels the way I do whenever I talk about this topic
What ladies do not know is that, this is this reason men see themselves as gods… this is why men believe they can do anything because “she needs me, without me she’s nothing”
“What they did not tell you is that the world, this country, does not have enough rich men to go around.” Exactly. Women expect their beauty to fetch a top guy, but this is in stark disproportion to supply and demand. There are far more beautiful women than rich men, because biology is what makes women beautiful; wealth is either earned or inherited, and even then it’s cruelly unequal in its distribution. Meeting a rich man—who’s also a good man—and capturing his heart among all the other beauties chasing him, is like winning the lottery. https://getbettersoon.substack.com/p/pickiness-how-men-and-women-miss
Insightful and entertaining read, thanks for sharing. I do have a question, why do you think there is a large subsection of women who gravitate towards that harmful messaging?
One thing I disagree with is that the terms “divine feminine” and “feminine energy” are, as you wrote,
meaningless.
I think that in the context you wrote, they are terms used incorrectly and inappropriately; in ways that uphold patriarchy and capitalistic order.
To me, divine feminine and feminine energy are terms belonging to real and sacred beliefs about Goddesses, Priestesses, etc.
To me, It is the balancing “energy” that is possessed by each human, creature, living thing. Each and every thing, from sun and moon, to ocean and earth, containing a spectrum between the masculine and feminine.
They’re just words, yes, but in many religious and spiritual spaces,
Diving Feminine and Feminine Energy have deep and real meaning.
And that meaning has nothing to do with scamming and coercing men into giving you money.
Everything you said boo!!!!
I’m always telling the women in my life to get their own bag and even if you have a man that is giving you money, use that money to invest in yourself, a business, anything that can bring in cash. This is what I tell every woman in my life. I wish every woman especially Nigerian women would see this.
Girl! 😭 Dyg!! I need women to wake up, the future is financial stability, money is so important and babying yourself and being dependent on a man will not save you from capitalism.
At all!!!
I love this but please let's clarify something. I think the women who are looking for rich men are more in love with the idea of aristocracy than housewives. Do not discount the work housewives do. Men already do that but as women, we should appreciate the work housewives do. It is unpaid labour and is discredited a lot. But our mothers and grandmothers worked as housewives and did a damn good job. Making a choice to be a housewife is not a crime, it is just a discredited work. I personally think it's a stupid idea for women to work like men and still be expected to take care of the home like a housewife. It is unfair but it is the world we find ourselves in. If you want to work, you can work. But feminists never discredited the work of housewives. They just wanted the work to be regarded as work and rewarded as such.
I think that's precisely what I was talking about. I do not discredit the work of being a housewife, I only ask that women demand to be paid because it is indeed work, even though we have been socialized to view it as an all expense paid vacation, a sort of achievement, this state of blessed betterness where you only have to "take care of a home" and have children for a man to go out and do the work that brings in money.
It will be uncomfortable to ask for money for labor in a family setting, afterall our mother's have been doing it for ages, for free. But it is important we do, to move us out of the world that still looks eerily that the one Virginia Woolf described in her essay, A room of one's own, where women never had money. This world needs more rich women.
Okay. Now let me ask. Please note all these things you’ve said I agree with you, I just wanna have a robust conversation. If raising the child and taking care of the home is still work, won’t you say these women on the internet like Shera seven that clamor for women to marry rich men and lean into their feminine energy is their way of saying, however manipulative, that housewives deserve to earn more? Because let’s be honest I am not sure the society is going to reward women for being housewives without being manipulated anytime soon. I have had this conversation with some set of people before and they boldly said being a housewife does not contribute to the economy, why should they be paid??(Mind you, these children will grow to become members of society and if trained well by their mothers, contribute to the economy of the society) It was like the most absurd idea they have ever heard.
The problem with the shera seven doctrine is that it is misogynistic. Sure she talks about getting your bag but the cost of getting the bag is that you give up your selfhood to an endless pursuit of being good, or hot, or classy to keep the rich man that married you.
The man becomes the cash cow, your entire economy, he is the one thing to hold onto for survival but you cannot hold on to a human being because human beings, men especially in this world that favors them, will change. But maybe by then you'd have gotten enough from him to set you up abi?
How many women are living this reality?
How many men can afford the lifestyle? How many rich men do we have? In this same country that women are dying because thier husbands couldnt afford CS?
Compare the Achalugo to odogwu ratio and see?
Shera sevens doctrine is "Marry the cash cow"
I say "BECOME THE CASH COW!"
Leaning into that feminine energy, you become tied to the cash cow, performing and performing even without knowing it, your life becomes for him. Money, your own money truly is the only thing that will let you live freely on this earth.
That’s not what she preaches. You see short clips but not the 3 hour+ lives that she elaborates her ideas on. She talks about not giving up your self-hood, and not emotionally investing in a man, internally validating yourself. She preaches being hot and “classy” not as life goals but as tools because men stereotype women by social identifiers etc.
Her message is not about “keeping” a man but about utilising the benefit a man can have to you. She doesn’t advocate for marriage or against it, but if you do marry, do it in your best interest and only emotionally investing after your partner has proven themselves to you.
When she talks about whether you should stay or leave a relationship that’s toxic or infidelity happens, it’s not about “being in love” or “staying for the bag” it’s about cost-benefit analysis of whether you leave can immediately, whether you can siphon more money or assets after the misgivings or whether you can siphon more money/assets in order to leave that situation better off than you were.
Shera does advocate for having a job or a business. She just does not find having a man in your life worth the hassle if you are not monetarily benefiting or if you are expected to perform feminine roles while also fulfilling your corporate or manual roles.
Her philosophy is not feminist, but it’s not anti feminist or pro-patriarchy.
«It will be uncomfortable to ask for money for labor in a family setting, afterall our mother's have been doing it for ages, for free.»
Is a joint bank account in matrimony uncommon in the US? (In Germany) My boomer parents had a joint account anyway. They were both working and making quite a bit even if my father made maybe twice as much (also working far longer hours). Mortgage and real estate is in both their names. And neither would make big financial decisions unilaterally. Isn't that sort of the norm?
Again, babe, I agree with you 1000%. But I need you to look at it from every perspective. I have learned not to shame women for their decisions. First of all, being a housewife in itself is misogynistic. Shera is preaching that if you are going to adhere to the misogynistic rules they’ve laid out for you, then make sure you are doing it smartly. Let it be the rich man! I understand that it is not realistic. At the same time, I want you to understand that while you are preaching this cash cow narrative to women, there are women, and even society at large, preaching to women that they have to do the housewife work. Learn to cook, learn to clean, take care of your kids! That’s a full-time job even more demanding, in my opinion.
So you have women being cash cows and also housewives?? How is that in any way fair? I am a cash cow. My mother has taught me not to be dependent on anyone! However, I am also of the opinion that I am not going to be doing housewife work. I am going to be a partner, but that housewife work? Leave me out of it.
So with this “cash cow” narrative, are you also preaching that women leave the housework and focus on being cash cows? Because if we are being honest, not many men are willing to stay back to take care of the home. And the home needs taking care of!!
But if we are being honest, some women can’t stand leaving the housework because of society and how they have been trained. So they retire to take care of the home, but in doing that, leave the economic situation to their spouses. This brings me back to my original point: Shera is preaching that if this is your decision, then make sure it is for a rich man, so you don’t suffer twice. What do you think?
I think I get your point now, I was looking at the big picture, the global impact of women deciding to be housewives and how it keeps us in the same retrogressive cycles.
Sure, there is some truth in Shera Steven's doctrine no matter how warped it is, but I think that leads me back to my first point: Shere has millions of viewers, people who internalize her doctrine, most of which are women, and after taking the message, they get to the real world and see that it is never as it seems online, if there are 3000 achalugo's and only 100 odogwu's, what do you think happens in that dating pool? It becomes a dangerous game that a woman never wins because even if you did manage to get one man, he will forever remind you of how many women want him were he to say yes, and he would not be wrong.
What we should focus on as a society is decentering misogynistic gender roles like a woman cooks and a man provides, because at the heart of this issue is that many of us were raised with this doctrine.
As for the house work, the two people who work can pitch in, it's not even about outsourcing, the work— cleaning, cooking, washing— should be shared equally amongst them both. Only then will a proper conversation be had about the importance of housechores
Exactlyyyy. This is where the conversation should start: decentering gender roles. Only then will a woman truly believe that she doesn’t need a man to provide for her and that she can do it for herself. I agree with you on that Shera conversation. It’s one of the problems I have with the internet. People come out with their opinions, and somehow, we accept them as the law.
Housework is not unpaid. If it needs doing, then it getting done is the payoff.
«Do not discount the work housewives do. Men already do that but as women, we should appreciate the work housewives do.»
Why give a damn, whether housework is "credited" or "appreciated" by people outside of the household? They are not involved, they do not have a stake in it and their opinions do not matter one bit.
A man is not a poverty alleviation scheme.
Thank you. The way I get so pissed off when I hear girlies saying ‘I just want to be Oga wife and enjoy life’ why can’t you be you and enjoy life?!! Omo, I don’t care if I have to juggle so much jobs, but, one day, I know I’ll be fully independent, I mean, don’t you want your own money??? Girl, please!!!!
" If i have to jjuggle multiple jobs, but one day, I know I "ll be fully independent " Thanks for this
How do I double like this,give you a hug.Sweetheart take your flowers because at this point we need to drum it in the ears of every woman/lady/girl
Babe everybody is trying to be an Achulugo 😭😭😭
What most girls don't get is that even Achalugo(from the movie) had her own money even if it was not as much as Odogwu's own. Imagine she was not working and waiting for the Odogwu to come, do people think the Odogwu would even have approached her? Girls really just need to wake up!!
Omooo 😂😂Ifunaya you didn't come to playyyyy and I love it. See the insults and shades left, right, and center. But omo you are 100% correct. Because what do you mean you choose to be a housewife. Do you really know what that "choice" means for you? Once again, Beautifully said!
Girlll 😭😭
Thank you 🙏🏾
Loveeee it! I am team 'Have your own money' & if by any chance your husband wants you to stop working, he must present 100 slides presentation of 'valid reasons why i want my wife to stop working' followed by passive +active income ideas that he is willing to set up in your name immediately you stop 'working'. Because at the end of everything, you are still going to be working so it's better you choose your battles (paid or unpaid).
secondly, i could feel all the emotions reading this lol. Looks like an advice Mama G or Old Genevieve would give
Thank you, this was so reaffirming to read. I feel that there has been a very deliberate stream of harmful anti-feminist messages targeted at young girls, 'tradwife' core being one of them. "I’m going to need all of you to understand that the concept of choice feminism is retrogressive. We cannot fight tooth and nail to release you from your shackles only for you to go back and choose those shackles again." Also this line was so refreshing!!!
Thank you for reading.
This is a lotttttt. 🥹
I am following youuuuuuu.
Welcome onboard boo ❤️
I understand this, word for word, and I agree. Financial independence has been my forever dream that I’m attaining gradually.
But I’d admit.
Sometimes I harbour fantasies of spending a man’s money that isn’t my father’s or male members of my family.
Sometimes, I’m also in awe of the ladies who do this. Cause what do you mean a man sent you huge chunks of money for no reason? There’s a girlfriend allowance? A travel allowance?
Girl I have an innate desire to make sure that no man will look me in the face and tell me, “I made you!” or, “if not for me”.
But when work gets rough, when tempers are high and when I start feeling overwhelmed, I wonder and think about how easy it appears to be, to spend another man’s money mercilessly.
Girlll!! It's precisely the "I made you" comment that gets me out of bed in the morning. Sure I have passion for my work, but I also daydream of being paid just for existing. I suppose this will lead into conversations like beauty and its social currency, but then again, it is never as it seems.
Will it be nice to be a sugar baby? Well yes.
But can I endure not having something of my own, built with my blood and sweat and tears? No, Never.
I want to spend free money but I also want to look at my paycheck come in and feel a sense of satisfaction from knowing that I earned the money I am spending. That's responsibility, that's adulthood.
I’m happy that there are ladies out there who feels the way I do whenever I talk about this topic
What ladies do not know is that, this is this reason men see themselves as gods… this is why men believe they can do anything because “she needs me, without me she’s nothing”
Exactly, whoever can feed you can also starve you!
“What they did not tell you is that the world, this country, does not have enough rich men to go around.” Exactly. Women expect their beauty to fetch a top guy, but this is in stark disproportion to supply and demand. There are far more beautiful women than rich men, because biology is what makes women beautiful; wealth is either earned or inherited, and even then it’s cruelly unequal in its distribution. Meeting a rich man—who’s also a good man—and capturing his heart among all the other beauties chasing him, is like winning the lottery. https://getbettersoon.substack.com/p/pickiness-how-men-and-women-miss
Insightful and entertaining read, thanks for sharing. I do have a question, why do you think there is a large subsection of women who gravitate towards that harmful messaging?
I love this piece! Thank you for sharing.
One thing I disagree with is that the terms “divine feminine” and “feminine energy” are, as you wrote,
meaningless.
I think that in the context you wrote, they are terms used incorrectly and inappropriately; in ways that uphold patriarchy and capitalistic order.
To me, divine feminine and feminine energy are terms belonging to real and sacred beliefs about Goddesses, Priestesses, etc.
To me, It is the balancing “energy” that is possessed by each human, creature, living thing. Each and every thing, from sun and moon, to ocean and earth, containing a spectrum between the masculine and feminine.
They’re just words, yes, but in many religious and spiritual spaces,
Diving Feminine and Feminine Energy have deep and real meaning.
And that meaning has nothing to do with scamming and coercing men into giving you money.
Money comes a goes, to maintain emotionally someone is really expensive. Nothing comes for free.
Yes! The rich boyfriend mentality will lead you to some very dark places.
Women went from not having a job and not getting paid to do house work to having a job and still not getting paid to do housework. Progress!